Marketing is a relatively young science, and so has borrowed from psychology, economics and other fields of research. In that spirit of borrowing from others, I now draw from some of history’s greatest thinkers and reimagine how their more memorable work could have turned out if they had been in the field of marketing instead.
First off, we have Einstein’s Theory of Relativity: E=mc2 or Energy equals Mass x Speed of Light (squared). If Einstein had been a marketing academic and had developed the Theory of Retailing, he might have instead come up with the cautionary: Engagement = Marketers Crazy (extra) or the more hopeful Excellence = Managing CEPs (many)
Sir Issac Newton is particularly well known for his three laws of motion. I’d like to think that, in his role as marketing director for Apple, Newton might have instead come up with the following Three Laws of Marketing Mistakes:
Instead of Newton’s first law, the Law of Inertia, which can be summarised as: ‘An object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced external force.’ We could have had: ‘A Distinctive asset stays a Distinctive Asset unless acted upon by an unbalanced Senior Marketing Executive.’
The Second Law of Motion, or the Law of Acceleration, is a nice equation of: F=ma or Force equals mass multiplied by acceleration. This could have become: Funnels = muddled assumptions
The third law, which is the Law of Action and Reaction, is ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. This could instead turn into ‘For every brand plan that prioritises retention, there is an equal and opposite budget that downgrades growth expectations’. OK, this does not roll off the tongue quite as easily as Newton’s law but is a useful cautionary reminder.
Now let’s move to some philosophers, and one of my favourites is Descartes, who claimed ‘I think, therefore I am’ as the one thing he was certain about when all other uncertainties are stripped away. If he had to apply the same thought process to marketing, he might have instead concluded with ‘I think of the brand, therefore I have the potential to buy’.
Another notable philosopher is Socrates, who proclaimed ‘The unexamined life is not worth living’. If instead of corrupting the youth with his questions, he had gone to work for a social media company, he might have instead opined that ‘The unquantified category entry point is not worth advertising’. This captures his realisation that knowing how many category buyers encounter a category entry point (CEP) makes it easier to assess the CEP’s value as an advertised message.
When we think of great thinkers it is hard to go past Thomas Edison, who wrote on the topic of genius ‘Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration’. Now given Edison was known for his design skills, he could have ended up as a designer of Distinctive Assets. In which case this phrase might have become ‘Strong Distinctive Assets are 30% inspiration, 70% propagation’.
At this point, I realised a lack of women in my list of thinkers, and so now let’s turn to Coco Chanel, who arguably was already a marketer, albeit in the field of fashion. One of her famous quotes is ‘In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different’ which makes sense in the context of designing fashion, where trends are created and dissipated through the imagination of a few opinion leaders. Had she put on her branding hat and looked through a consumer lens instead, she might have reworded it to ‘In order to be irreplaceable, a brand must always be useful’ or perhaps in a nod to the ephemeral nature of brand memories ‘In order to be remembered, the brand must continue to be memorable’.
I will give the final word to the witty Dorothy Parker, who is famous for many turns of phrase such as ‘What fresh hell is this?’ The origins of this phrase are unknown but I like to think she coined it while hearing a marketer talking about brand purpose. She is also known for the phrase ‘Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses’ which as someone who is new to wearing glasses and single, I feel a bit conflicted about. So I would like to think had she been CEO of a liquor company she might have instead commented ‘CFOs seldom give budget approval to marketers who think brand love is usual’.
If you have any suggestions to add to the list, or other ways of reimagining the list above, share in the comments!
Featured image: Collab Media / Unsplash
